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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22409947">Killing Me Softly</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/morningssofgold/pseuds/morningssofgold'>morningssofgold</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Prodigal Son (TV 2019)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family Fluff, Fluff, Psychological Trauma, Romance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-01-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-01-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 13:47:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,864</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22409947</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/morningssofgold/pseuds/morningssofgold</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>We only notice light when darkness crashes against it, Malcolm thought as he realized that light was truly touching this house–the Whitlys–for the first time in a long time. He looked over at Dani who was already looking at him and she smiled because she knew. </i>
</p><p> </p><p>Malcolm heals old wounds - <i>A multi-chapter fic</i></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Malcolm Bright/ Dani Powell</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>80</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">


        <li>
            Inspired by

            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22307104">everything i wanted</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/morningssofgold/pseuds/morningssofgold">morningssofgold</a>.
        </li>

    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>HUGE HUGE thanks to my brainstorming partner in crime @2amEuphoria for all of your support, encouragement and ideas.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ms. Lauryn Hill’s smooth, soulful croon rang out from the living room stereo. Malcolm typically preferred older music, generally Motown. Dani always found that both surprising yet not surprising at all as her husband was the very definition of an old soul. That said, she did put him onto more contemporary music though this particular song wouldn’t exactly be considered recent. </p><p>Dani remembered that time before they were dating and he let her choose the music as they hung out in the apartment going through case files together. For some reason, she selected this this very song. It was one she’d always loved as it was a classic but she didn’t realize how it had taken on a new, more significant meaning to her.</p><p>
  <i>Strumming my pain with his fingers</i><br/>
<i>Singing my life with his words</i><br/>
<i>Killing me softly with his song</i>
</p><p>Upon hearing the opening lyrics, Dani’s eyes had gone right to the man sitting cross legged on the couch beside her. His head bent in concentration as he poured over their case at the time, searching for irregularities. His chestnut hair falling in his eyes. She didn’t think Malcolm noticed her staring at him at him then, feeling those lyrics in a way she never had before but apparently he had.</p><p>––––––––––––––––––</p><p>Dani stood behind the kitchen island going through the crime scene photos Gil had sent to her tablet. Usually both she and her husband would be at work witnessing the crime scene in person but it was the day before their daughter’s first birthday party. Dani decided to take a couple of her several months worth of paid time off to spend time with her family.</p><p>Her husband had absolutely no qualms about doing such a thing as she watched Malcolm race through the apartment with Zahra in his arms, making her “fly.” The airplane game was a regular  occurrence for the two of them, though it usually had a habit of happening right before bedtime much to her chagrin. As she annotated the photos, Dani smiled at the sound of Malcolm and Zahra’s shared laughter. </p><p>Dani knew Malcolm worried about how he did as a dad and just about fatherhood in general. He’d never expressed actually wanting to have a child with her and not knowing exactly how to broach the topic, Dani never brought it up. To say her husband was sensitive to the issue would be putting it extraordinarily lightly and she didn’t want to unnerve or pressure him in any way. Dani had entered this marriage with the knowledge that it would just be the two of them and she had been perfectly happy with that and as newlyweds they had been doing well. Malcolm’s episodes had been few and far between and Dani wanted to keep it that way. She wouldn’t bring the most acidic of his pain to the surface. The pain that had burned through him continuously, eating everything in its wake. </p><p>As much as Dani wanted to protect her husband from anything that would hurt him, those thoughts of <i>what if</i> did cross her mind on occasion especially knowing Malcolm the way she did. Knowing how gentle and loving he was. Knowing his depth of empathy and compassion. She knew Malcolm would make an amazing father but she also knew he wouldn’t feel the same not after all he told her about that fateful night he faced down Paul Lazar also known as John Watkins. </p><p>Moreover, those <i>what if</i> thoughts had been relatively abstract and Dani chose not to dwell on them. She wasn’t a big fan of thinking extensively about things that weren’t going to happen. That said, Zahra herself, had done all of the thinking for both of them, taking everything out of their hands entirely.</p><p>Zahra made her presence known exactly eight months after she and Malcolm had gotten married. The team had teased them relentlessly as their honeymoon had lasted a little over a month. Malcolm had surprised her with a trip to Paris that turned into a trip to Santorini and then into a trip to Mykonos. Dani remembered Gil calling them after three weeks had passed to find out if they were ever coming back to work. JT had snickered in the background, “They’re probably coming back with more than they left with.” Dani had punched him in the shoulder <i>hard</i> for that remark when they did eventually get back to the city but as she found out, JT hadn’t exactly been that far off the mark. </p><p>––––––––––––––––</p><p>Dani remembered their time spent in three of the most romantic places in the world. She also remembered all of lingerie Malcolm had bought her at the little boutique on rue Cambon near their hotel in Paris. Malcolm had slipped away while she had been in the shower and washing her hair in preparation for their first day of sightseeing. He’d returned with a box of macarons and a rather large pink bag with the words <i>Agent Provocateur</i> stamped on the front.</p><p>Malcolm hadn’t gone out with the intent of buying Dani lingerie but as he ventured out to buy the little pastries she’d become obsessed with since they’d touched down in the city of lights, he’d noticed the boutique near the pâtisserie. Malcolm wandered into the boutique taking in the silk and lace that lined every inch of the boudoir styled space. He knew all of that wasn’t exactly Dani’s style but he thought she deserved pretty things and as her husband, he more than wanted to give them to her.</p><p>Malcolm wasn’t fluent in French but he knew enough to converse and he didn’t miss the excitement in the eyes of the two sales associates when he mentioned that he’d just gotten married. They assured him that they’d give him everything he needed for his “blushing bride.”</p><p>He’d told Dani as much. She appraised the flimsy garments with raised brows and when Malcolm actually took a look at the things he’d purchased, the only one who’d ended up blushing was him. </p><p>“Uh...I guess, this was their idea of honeymoon appropriate,” Malcolm said sheepishly, raking a hand through his hair, the blush in his cheeks intensifying.</p><p>Dani gingerly held up a nude toned <i>something</i> with an awful lot of straps, “Clearly.” Laughing at her insanely adorable husband, she kissed him in thanks before returning to the bathroom to get dressed for the day–or so she’d planned. Dani couldn’t help at least trying on what her husband bought her–if only to see what she looked like. </p><p>She twirled around in the mirror in a sheer white lacy set with bows and snail frills that actually revealed much more than it covered. She seriously had her doubts about Malcolm being as innocent a bystander in all of this as he’d claimed. The more she looked at herself, the more Dani realized that she actually looked pretty good–if she said so herself. It was the kind of thing a bride on her honeymoon would wear she’d thought.</p><p>Dani padded out of the bathroom where her husband sat in one of the chairs that dotted their suite, his legs crossed and head bent, flipping through a tourist magazine they’d been given upon arrival, “Bright, you did this on purpose.”</p><p>“Hmm…what exactly did I do?” Malcolm had murmured distractedly not realizing that she was standing right in front of him. He’d glanced up over the top of the magazine. Malcolm’s eyes widened and his jaw slackened as took her in. He was unabashedly gaping at her but she certainly didn’t mind. Dani smirked saying nothing, her hands at her hips. She stepped into arms that encircled her without thought, running her fingers through his thick deep chestnut hair. </p><p>Malcolm recovered, though still looking a bit dazed, “…Perhaps this <i>is</i> more of a gift for me.” His fingers had lightly run up and down the miles upon miles of bare skin leaving gooseflesh in his wake. Malcolm had looked up at her, eyes all fire and ice, "And it appears that I have been <i>very</i> generous." </p><p>It was rather chilly in Paris at that time of year but the temperature in their suite at the Sofitel Paris Le Faubourg had only risen. A slow smile spread across Malcolm’s lips as he stood slowly, picking her up. Her legs had wrapped around his waist of their own accord. Malcolm had carried her with relative ease through the double doors in the direction of the bedroom area of their suite.</p><p>Needless to say, their sightseeing date didn’t happen <i>that</i> particular day. Zahra really had been a complete surprise but in hindsight, as many times as an occurrence such as that first morning in Paris repeated itself over the course of their five week honeymoon, Dani realized that their daughter probably shouldn’t have been a surprise at all.</p><p>––––––––––––––</p><p>Presently, looking at her loves–her daughter and husband–being silly together and enjoying each other’s company, Dani only wished Malcolm could see what she did. He could never be Martin.</p><p>Malcolm and Zahra were so engrossed in their game, neither of them noticed the knocking at the door. Dani answered it to find her mother-in-law on the other side of it, her arms filled with bags from various designer boutiques.</p><p>“Oh my. It sounds like a party in here,” Jessica said as she took in the music that had changed to something more uptempo and her son twirling his tiny daughter above his head. She couldn’t tell who was enjoying themselves more, Malcolm or Zahra.</p><p>Dani grinned as she took the bags off of Jessica’s hands, “Not a party, just Papa Bear in his natural habitat.”</p><p>Jessica smiled, “Quite so.” Jessica watched them for a bit. <i>Her</i> son as a father. She could hardly believe it. Not that she didn’t think he’d be good at it–quite the opposite. Malcolm was a protector–she knew that first hand. He loved fiercely and fully. She had always assumed that the idea of becoming a father was just another joy her husband had robbed her son of.</p><p>Jessica wasn’t easily surprised though when it came to her son–she was almost constantly surprised. The news of Dani carrying a Milton had been one that could’ve knocked her down at the time and she’d been thrilled that Malcolm and Dani had decided to preserve that legacy by giving Zahra, her mother’s first name–Elizabeth–as a middle name. Jessica was less than thrilled at the addition of a second middle name–Jacqueline–in honor of Jackie Arroyo. Jessica didn’t understand why Elizabeth couldn’t stand alone but she knew that wasn’t an argument she would ever win with her son so she’d decided against bringing it up.  </p><p>Jessica remembered how she’d accused Dani of being pregnant the first moment she met her when Malcolm had announced their engagement–it hadn’t been her finest moment–but to think that it had actually happened made her deliriously happy. Her utter elation for her son and her daughter-in-law was unlike anything else. Jessica knew she hadn’t always made the best choices or been present in the way Malcolm had needed at the time but she figured this was truly her chance to make it up to him. </p><p>She would be the best grandmother–though she wouldn’t actually use that dreadful name–as “Lovey” suited her much better. Jessica vowed that there would never be a doubt in her granddaughter’s mind about how she felt about her.</p><p>“Look, Zahra! Lovey’s here,” Dani called.</p><p>Malcolm turned to them, shifting Zahra to one arm. Surprise evident in his face, “Hello Mother, what brings you by?”</p><p>“I’ve come bearing gifts, of course! I heard my little lady is having a birthday,” Jessica said loftily.</p><p>“Her birthday is tomorrow though.” Malcolm still looked confused as to why his mother was here at such an early hour without any prior notice. Even though he and Dani weren’t working today, they still started their day early as usual. It was their routine and the routine Zahra was accustomed to.</p><p>“And she will receive even more gifts then. Now allow me…” Jessica was growing quite impatient with her son. She held out her arms and wiggled her fingers expectantly, waiting for her son to relinquish his hold on her granddaughter. </p><p>It was bad enough that Jessica didn’t get to see Zahra as much as she’d like. The weekly dinners at the house didn’t happen as much as they used to. Jessica knew her son had different responsibilities now, she couldn’t just demand his time as she used to. She only really got to see Zahra when she made the trip out to Tribeca or via FaceTime. Malcolm didn’t come to the house much and certainly not with Dani and Zahra. Jessica knew exactly why but it bothered her all the same.</p><p>“Dada plane!”  Zahra looked up at her father, her little brows furrowed, her tiny hands tapping his shoulder impatiently, wondering why he’d stopped their game.</p><p>Malcolm smirked, “I think she still wants to play the airplane game. Lovey…wanna take over?” Jessica in her black tweed Chanel suit and Manolo Blahnik heels was not about to play the airplane game and by her tight smile she looked very unamused with her son’s shenanigans.</p><p>“Bright, stop teasing your mom,” Dani called from the kitchen causing Malcolm to laugh and Jessica to glower in response.</p><p>“Thank you, Danika. How you put up with him, I’ll never know. Now, my granddaughter if you will.” Her voice dropping an octave as it did when her patience was running out.</p><p>Malcolm squatted down, placing Zahra on the floor with a grin. “Do you wanna show Lovey what you can do?” he asked, the two of them at eye-level–something he almost always did whenever he spoke to Zahra if she wasn’t already in his arms.</p><p>Jessica’s annoyance with her son for having fun at her expense faded instantly as soon as she realized what was happening. Her granddaughter was about to walk to her <i>on her own</i>. Malcolm had sent her the video of Zahra’s first steps right after it happened. Jessica had been so proud of her little lady, she immediately demanded to be put on FaceTime to heap praise upon Zahra herself.</p><p>Jessica watched as Zahra made her way over rather quickly. She was pleased to see her granddaughter in the adorable light blue organic cotton pajamas with the little lambs on them that she had bought for her. Zahra made it almost halfway to her before stumbling a bit, falling on her backside. Her granddaughter didn’t cry. That meant she was tough, Jessica thought proudly. But how could she be anything else? Toughness was in that little girl’s blood. That said, Jessica hurried over to her granddaughter to get her back upright before Malcolm raised a hand, stopping her.</p><p>“No, she’s got this.” Malcolm knelt on the floor and Jessica noted his radiant smile–a smile she hadn’t seen until Zahra and Zahra's mother entered his life. Her son's attention fixed exclusively on his little girl. “Come on, sweetheart. Let’s go to Lovey.”</p><p>It took Zahra almost no time to heed her father’s encouraging words. She scrambled up and toddle-ran over to her grandmother. Jessica delightedly wrapped her little lady up in a Chanel No. 5 scented hug, “Wonderful, my love!”</p><p>“Let Lovey take a look at you.” Jessica cupped her granddaughter’s little face, completely amazed at how she saw every inch of her son in this little girl’s beautiful face. It had been that way from the first moment Jessica laid eyes on her. The tiniest little thing wrapped up the monogrammed pink cashmere blanket she’d brought for her at the hospital. </p><p>Zahra looked exactly as Malcolm did when he was born, Jessica knew that for certain. Not much had changed in that respect as her granddaughter had all of her son’s features including his eyes and smile though as Zahra got older, she did take on more of her mother’s traits. Zahra’s deep golden brown hair matched the way her son’s hair looked under certain light but it had curled up exactly like Dani’s. Zahra also had her mother’s olive complexion. Jessica noted that Zahra truly was a perfect combination of both of her parents. Jessica also knew that her granddaughter would have her son’s unbreakable will and her daughter-in-law’s determination–a perfect combination indeed. </p><p>–––––––––––––––</p><p>Malcolm fluidly rose to his feet as his mother hugged his daughter, repeatedly telling her how beautiful, special and wonderful she was. Zahra enjoyed Lovey’s attention, giggling at her grandmother. </p><p>It was always quite something seeing his mother and his daughter interacting. Zahra was the only person alive who’d been able to thaw his mother’s frosty disposition completely–something not he nor Ainsley had been able to do. Where they got raised brows and tight smiles, Zahra got nothing but cuddles and kisses and truthfully, Malcolm couldn’t be happier about it. Zahra wouldn’t be like him, she’d know nothing but love from her family.</p><p>————————</p><p>Dani looked up as her husband joined her in the kitchen, wrapping an arm around her waist. Malcolm looked relaxed in an old Harvard shirt that he’d stolen back from her and black sweats, his deep chestnut hair falling over his forehead. She offered him a bite of her avocado toast, smiling when he accepted. Dani wasn’t much of a cook–certainly not in the way that Malcolm was but avocado with salt, pepper and Tabasco on rye toast was something she’d been making for herself in the mornings long before she met him.</p><p>Not long after she moved in, Dani started making it for him too. Malcolm still didn’t eat much, unfortunately that was something that hadn’t changed since she met him. Dani knew it had to do with the amount of medication he took but she’d still wanted–needed him to take better care of himself and avocado toast had been a start as she couldn’t allow him to keep existing on only black coffee and adrenaline. Malcolm smirked at her practically feeding him, his nearly translucent eyes filling with impishness. </p><p>“Helloooo, Lovebirds! You <i>are</i> the presence of a guest,” Jessica said snapping her fingers at them disapprovingly from the couch where Zahra was kneeling in her lap, distractedly playing with the brooch on her jacket. “With behavior like that, it’s no wonder you arrived here so quickly, isn’t that right, darling?” She turned her attention to Zahra, making kissy faces at her.</p><p>“Mother, seriously?!” Malcolm frowned, refusing to be chastised like a teenager in his own home. Dani snorted, rolling her eyes.</p><p>Jessica ignored him instead choosing to show Zahra the pre-birthday presents she bought for her. “Look how precious.” She held up a little white one shoulder summer dress filled with ruffles. “My little lady can wear this tomorrow.”</p><p>Dani nodded, “It’s very cute.” She wasn’t sure why Malcolm’s mother thought a white dress would be appropriate for a one year old’s birthday party but that wasn’t an argument worth having. Jessica had taken over the planning of Zahra’s first birthday party entirely and Dani left her to it. Jessica had also planned Dani and Malcolm’s wedding, something Dani obviously had more of a say in and she honestly didn’t need the headache. All Dani had been instructed to do was bring her baby and that was just fine with her.</p><p>“I got you one too, Danika,” Jessica held up a matching dress in what appeared to be Dani’s size. The dress was floor length and Dani could imagine her trying to hold the dress up with one hand and trying to corral her daughter with the other. This ridiculous dress would only slow her down–something Dani couldn’t afford with Mini Malcolm perpetually on the loose since she’d learned to walk.</p><p>Dani forced a pleasant smile, her teeth grinding together, “But it’s not <i>my</i> birthday.” Malcolm snickered beside her, neatly dodging an elbow to the ribs.</p><p>“Nonsense! You two will look adorable matching,” Jessica said breezily, already accepting her word as settled law and moving onto opening the next gift she brought. Zahra happily tore the flimsy tissue paper adorning the gift bags from her grandmother’s lap, blissfully unaware of how close Mommy was coming to firing Lovey.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dani watched from outside the doorway of Zahra’s room that had been recently renovated. They’d moved out all of her infant things and replaced them with everything that would better suit her as she got older. Most notably, the bookshelf that Malcolm had already starting filling with all of his favorites from childhood. </p><p>Malcolm sat in the rocking chair with Zahra curled up on his lap, her little face buried in the crook of his neck as it always was. He was reading to her. Since he often got her riled up right before bedtime, Dani charged him with settling her back down. This was the way he had taken to doing it and every night it became their thing. She knew her husband couldn’t wait to teach their daughter to read but until then, he read her poetry. </p><p>Dani didn’t know much about poetry as AP English was quite some time ago but she liked the sound of this new one. Something about the speaker carrying someone’s heart with them. The soothing cadence of Malcolm’s voice relaxed Dani and she wasn’t actually in the room. She could tell her baby was out like a light.</p><p>–––––––––––––––––––</p><p>As Malcolm finished the last stanza of an E.E. Cummings poem he’d recently discovered, he realized that his daughter was completely knocked out. Malcolm softly kissed the top of Zahra’s head, her soft dark golden brown curls tickling his nose. </p><p>He closed the hardcover anthology of American poetry, placing it on the ground beside his feet. Malcolm would return it to the bookshelf but he just wanted to sit for a moment as his little girl slept peacefully in his arms. He rubbed her back gently, smiling as she unconsciously burrowed deeper into his chest. Malcolm thought back to when he first started reading Zahra poetry. He’d read it to her through her mother first.</p><p>–––––––––––––––––––</p><p>Dani had been a little over four months pregnant at the time. The idea of her actually carrying his child inside of her hadn’t felt exactly real as they’d gone about their normal routine just as they always did. That is until he noticed Dani’s flat stomach grow rounder, protruding under her thin tops and leather jackets. Her slim frame made it all the more apparent and the realization truly hit him. He would be–he was a father.</p><p>Malcolm’s joy hadn’t been able to overtake and disrupt the incredible disquiet that had settled within him. He wondered how could he realistically do this? How could he father anyone knowing what he came from? His own father had wanted to kill him when he was a child–that was partially the reason he’d stopped visiting Martin altogether when he learned of Zahra’s existence. Malcolm wouldn’t be able to stomach whatever Martin would say on the matter and he wouldn’t allow him that type of access to his mind.</p><p>Malcolm had been naive as Martin didn’t need to be physically present to torment him. The continuous loop of Martin’s deep baritone full of riddles and lies had quieted since he’d been with Dani. Her sarcastic quips and soothing encouragement had drowned his father out but just then he’d heard Martin’s voice in his mind, mocking him–infecting him. Asking how soon would it be until Malcolm thought of doing the same to his child as Martin had done to him. Malcolm had tried to shut him off–shut him out. He’d tried not to listen but it was all in vain. Malcolm wondered if he too was destined to hurt the one who was by nature a part of him. </p><p>Those thoughts kept him up every night.</p><p>He’d known it was only a matter of time before the night terrors came knocking-forcing their way inside his mind and stealing his peace. Malcolm could picture his father’s depraved glee at knowing his legacy was inescapable and ever present as soon as his eyes closed.</p><p>His wife had been there through some of his worst episodes. Whenever she felt him thrashing and panicked–paralyzed by his own mind, she wrapped her arms around him, coaxing him into her embrace. Malcolm then would rest his palm against Dani’s chest, her life beneath his hands reassuring him that she was here and he wasn’t alone. </p><p>If Malcolm wasn’t able to settle himself, if the night terrors were too strong for the both of them, Dani merely brushed his hair off of his forehead. Her fingertips would linger–her touch like fire against the clammy iciness of his skin–and she’d help him into his restraints.</p><p>Sleeping restrained was always a strange and lonely experience for him. A constant reminder of how much of a freak he really was. That is, until Dani would turn over and settle against his chest, her head tucked under his chin. The coconut scent of her boundless curls easing him into a comfort and security he’d never known until he met her. </p><p>Malcolm had known that he couldn’t subject Dani to any of that–not now. He couldn’t trust himself to sleep beside her. In the throes of his terror, what if he struck her? What if he hurt her? What if he hurt their child? Maybe hurting the ones he loved the most was inevitable, maybe he didn’t need a camping trip at all?</p><p>Those thoughts stayed with him as he sequestered himself in his study while Dani slept in their bed alone. Malcolm hated not sleeping beside her but he knew it was for the best and if he had to spend the next five months in the study or in the guest room, he’d do it willingly as long as Dani and their little one was safe.</p><p>–––––––––––––––</p><p>Malcolm knew it wouldn’t be long until Dani began to ask questions. She didn’t press him when he sometimes left her alone. When his insomnia was particularly troublesome, he moved to the living room or upstairs as to not disturb her. She got up just as early as he did for work and he didn’t want her to lose sleep because of him. In his mind, Dani had sacrificed enough when she had to stay up, soothing him as he clung to her, trying to come back down.</p><p>Moreover, that only really happened every once in a while. He’d spent every night upstairs for the past week. Malcolm remembered Dani confronting him. </p><p>“You coming to bed, Bright?” He’d looked up in surprise at Dani in her short black satin kimono style robe, leaning against the doorframe. She looked casual enough but Malcolm could tell she was tired and he’d felt guilty that she’d waited up for him as it had been quite late at the time.</p><p>He’d glanced back down at his one of his father’s journals that he’d been reading through. Malcolm didn’t know what to say to her. If he told Dani what had been going through his mind, he knew it would be distressing for her which could potentially distress their child and from the beginning, Malcolm had only wanted this process to be as easy as possible for his wife. He didn’t want the birth of their child to be an experience she associated with trauma. He didn’t want to endanger her health.</p><p>“Dani, I can’t…” Malcolm said quietly. The shame and anguish tore through him. Dani deserved so much better than a husband who couldn’t be there for her when she’d needed it most.</p><p>He turned his high-backed leather chair toward her as she walked behind the desk to him. Pushing aside the journal, her full lips curling in distaste at his choice of reading material, his wife took a seat on top of the desk. His eyes traveled slowly from her long bare legs crossed at the ankles, the gray edge of her oversized NYPD tee sticking out from beneath her robe up to her big brown eyes where Malcolm saw nothing but undeserved compassion. </p><p>“Please tell me why you’re up here reading this <i>garbage</i> instead of downstairs, asleep next to me,” Dani held his father’s now abandoned journal up for emphasis before dropping it as though it had stung her.</p><p>Malcolm blinked. He had no explanation for it but he knew he was sabotaging himself yet again–trying to prove why he couldn’t be trusted with something as precious as the little one Dani cradled with her hands through her thin robe. </p><p>Sensing his anxiety, Dani leaned down a bit, grabbing Malcolm’s chin in the way she’d done so long ago. Her deep brown eyes met his ice blue ones, leaving him nowhere to run, “You are <i>mine–ours</i>. You are <i>not his</i>. Not anymore. The Surgeon does not get to tell you who you are. Your story is not his, you are not him.” Her voice though soft left absolutely no room for argument. Malcolm stared at her completely mesmerized. Wondering how her faith in him had never wavered for a moment when that was all his faith in himself ever did.</p><p>Dani wasn’t going to allow her husband to do this–retreat from her. As scary as all of this was for him, it was even scarier for her too. Dani couldn’t do this by herself. She’d needed her partner, her best friend, her husband and she needed him present–all of this he knew.</p><p>His eyes followed her as she smoothly hopped off the desk going to one of his floor to ceiling bookshelves. </p><p>Dani stared up at the multitude of tomes, looking for something that wasn’t work related as he’d already explained various Freudian theories to her multiple times. She had an idea and in order for it to work, she needed something that would relax him. Something that would chase away all of the filth he’d absorbed from his father’s awful journal. A new life was blossoming inside of her. They had no room for the Surgeon’s decay. </p><p>Dani squatted down, hearing Malcolm’s breath hitch as it always did whenever she did anything that could be considered even remotely physical and pulled out what appeared to be a book of poetry. That would do.</p><p>His wife had purposefully marched right back up to him without a word, pulling him by the hand and leading him downstairs with the book in hand, her endless curls bouncing in rhythm, “Dani, I don’t think this is a good idea…” She ignored him, placing her robe at the end of the bed as she always did and pulled him down beside her.</p><p>Malcolm had moved over to the farthest side of the bed from her. Dani glared, “I’m pregnant, Bright. I don’t have the plague.”</p><p>He’d glanced down at his hands, tremors running through them. He mumbled, “I don’t want to get too close.”</p><p>“I believe that ship has sailed. Case in point.” Dani said thinly, gesturing to her rounded belly. Malcolm could tell she was getting frustrated with him as she'd only wanted a good night’s rest with her husband.</p><p>Malcolm sighed. He didn’t want to burden her with more of his issues nor did he want her to be upset with him, “I…really can’t sleep here with you. I don’t trust myself. You know how I get sometimes. You’ve seen the night terrors–the episodes. What if I hurt you? What if I hurt the baby? I swear, I will <i>never</i> forgive myself if I–" Malcolm’s panic had risen at the thought, cutting off all air–choking him. </p><p>Dani had scooted closer to him, grabbing his trembling hands, lacing her slender fingers through his. Their matching platinum wedding bands clanging together, “Bright, do you trust me?” </p><p>“Of course,” Dani didn’t give him any time to argue further as she placed his hands on her stomach just as she’d done the very first time he’d learned of their baby’s existence. Almost instantly, he felt a tiny foot tap his hand. Malcolm had laughed despite himself though it sounded a bit watery to his own ears. Dani had smiled softly as she’d obviously felt it too.</p><p>“I trust you and Baby does too. Now, read to us.” Dani had handed him the hardcover volume of poetry. She slowly turned onto her side as she was still getting used to her changing body and rested her head on his chest, draping an arm around him.</p><p>Malcolm’s brows had raised incredulously, “You want a bedtime story?” </p><p>“Shut up and read.”</p><p>And that was exactly what he’d done. Even now, Malcolm remembered the lines he spoke to her–to them:</p><p>
  <i>I love you without knowing how, or when, or from</i><br/>
<i>where,</i><br/>
<i>I love you directly without problems or pride:</i><br/>
<i>I love you like this because I don’t know any other way</i><br/>
<i>to love,</i>
</p><p>–––––––––––––––</p><p>Malcolm stared at down at his sleeping daughter. He’d gotten lost in his thoughts. Rising slowly from the antique rocking chair, careful not to jostle Zahra, Malcolm gently placed his little girl in her crib. He pulled up her soft lavender blanket so that it settled around her just right and brought her KAWS Elmo plush–a gift he’d gotten her recently–closer to her.</p><p>He stood there, watching the peaceful rise and fall of her little chest. Her long dark eyelashes fluttering against the tops of her cheeks. She looked like an angel–his angel. Malcolm didn’t know why it was hard for him to leave his daughter tonight. Actually he did but he had been trying not to dwell on any of that.</p><p>“I will <i>always</i> protect you, sweetheart.”</p><p>–––––––––––––––</p><p>Dani ventured into Zahra’s room, returning the anthology to the bookshelf. She didn’t want to interrupt as she always wanted Malcolm and Zahra to have their time together but she’d noticed a change in her husband and she’d heard his whispered vow to their daughter.</p><p>They’d had a relatively peaceful day–after his mother left–but Dani watched Malcolm’s ice blue eyes turn distant and troubled right after Jessica delivered her directives about when they were to arrive at his family home tomorrow for Zahra’s party.</p><p>“Tea for your thoughts?” Dani handed him a steaming mug of Earl Grey as she took her place beside him on the couch. Tea was generally her thing but she thought it relaxed her husband as well.</p><p>His lips curved up over the rim of the mug, hinting at a sardonic smile, “Do you <i>really</i> wanna know?” </p><p>“I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t.” Dani knew he was thinking about the confession he’d made to her on Mother’s Day. While his words had shaken her deeply, she was glad that he’d gotten it off his chest. She was also happy that she could provide light in a such a heavy cloud of darkness he’d been carrying within him since the day they’d met. “What’s going on, Bright?”</p><p>Malcolm placed his nearly untouched tea on the coffee table nearby. “Dani, I don’t know what to do about tomorrow.” He faced her fully, his icy clear eyes full of so many things untold. “I know my mother has been planning this party for months but I just can’t bring our daughter <i>there.</i>”</p><p>Dani nodded and she was irritated with herself for not figuring it out sooner. She had noticed how uncomfortable Malcolm was about bringing Zahra to the home he’d grown up in. They’d only brought her there a few times but not since she’d gotten old enough to truly observe her surroundings. </p><p>Dani knew that house was the source of so much of his pain. It was where his father had held a “hobby room” where he’d kept souvenirs of his depravity. It was where Malcolm himself had been kidnapped and held hostage deep underneath it–completely unbeknownst to her–bleeding out as Paul Lazar also known as John Watkins attempted to slaughter his mother and sister. </p><p>“You’re just staring at me. Please say <i>something</i>,” Malcolm frustratedly raked his hands through his hair, looking out of sorts and truly lost.</p><p>“I don’t know, babe,” Dani sighed, absently tapping her nails against her mug, tucking her legs underneath her. She really didn’t know what to tell him. Her husband was absolutely right in feeling the way he did. So many unbearably awful things had happened in that house and being there actually freaked her out a bit if she were being completely honest. “I know you want me to tell you what to do but I can’t. That’s your house. If you don’t feel comfortable going there then I support you.”</p><p>Malcolm groaned, an aggravated sound escaping the back of his throat. “I don’t want to disappoint my mother but bringing our daughter <i>there</i>…It makes me feel like I can’t protect her. It makes me feel like I didn’t even try.” Dani set down her own mug. She moved over, depositing herself into his lap. Malcolm’s arms thoughtlessly wrapped around her, resting his head against her chest. She looked down, seeing his eyes close as he listened to her heartbeat just as she knew he would. One of her hands held his head to her chest. </p><p>“You know that’s not true though. You’ve always protected your family.”</p><p>“I severed a man’s spine with an axe,” He mumbled.</p><p>“He was hardly a man and you did what you had to.” Dani pulled back a bit, her fingertips lightly grazing his rough stubble as he looked up at her, uncertainty still clouding the beautiful eyes he shared with their daughter. “You know, Watkins and The Surgeon, they’ve already stolen so much from you, Bright. Let’s not let them steal from Zahra too. I mean, that house totally creeps me out but tomorrow it’ll be filled with so much love as we celebrate <i>our baby’s</i> first year of life. <i>We</i> did that and we didn’t think we ever would. That’s a lot to celebrate, don’t you think?”</p><p>Dani watched as immeasurable love took the place of the persistent doubt in her husband’s eyes, “How’d you get to be so wise, Mrs. Bright?” He asked as she smiled, gently brushing his hair off of his forehead. “And how did I get to be so lucky?"</p><p>“I think you were overdue for a little luck.” She whispered against his lips.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I left @2amEuphoria a little Easter Egg here and the poem referenced is "One Hundred Love Sonnets: XVII by Pablo Neruda</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Malcolm bent down, unlocking the safe buried in the depths of his spacious walk-in, retrieving Dani’s engagement ring. She only wore it for special occasions especially now that he’d had it refurbished as a gift for their first wedding anniversary. He had the diamond solitaire enlarged and the plain platinum band replaced with one of pavé diamonds. His mother had called it “nouveau riche” but he paid her little mind. Dani deserved everything and he’d give her as much.</p><p>He also retrieved one of his many watches, selecting an elegant Patek Philippe with a round rose gold face and a black alligator strap. It was the gift Dani and Zahra had given him for his first official Father’s Day. Malcolm had specifically told Dani not to get him anything as he absolutely wanted for nothing, considering he had more than he’d ever thought he was allowed. But of course, it was Dani and she didn’t listen. She’d surprised him with it as the three of them watched the sunrise together on the porch of the lake house he’d purchased for them in New Hampshire. It was a beautiful timepiece but it was the inscription engraved on the inside of the watch face that had touched him deeply: <i>To Daddy with love, from Zahra and Mommy</i> </p><p>Malcolm took in his appearance. He looked calm and composed without single deep chestnut hair out of place. His mother had ordered that he coordinate his outfit to Dani and Zahra’s. In his tailored gray trousers and crisp white dress shirt, he looked far more put together than he actually felt. Today was the day he would bring his daughter to <i>his house</i>, the one he’d grown up in. </p><p>“If your mother texts me one more time, I swear to God…How many times do I have to tell her<i> we are on the way</i>,” He heard his wife grumbling from behind him–already exasperated and the day hadn’t even started yet. </p><p>Malcolm turned around to see Dani in her flowing, one shouldered white dress with the plentiful ruffles at the bottom. She was holding an identically dressed Zahra on her hip. </p><p>“You two <i>do</i> look adorable” He smirked, earning him an eye roll. Malcolm knew his wife wasn’t pleased at his mother’s choice of wardrobe for her but both of them looked beautiful. A queen and her little princess. Dani had styled Zahra’s short deep golden brown curls like her own–loose–except with a tiny rosebud headband to keep it out of her face. </p><p>Dani set Zahra on the floor so she could hoist the Fendi diaper bag–a baby shower gift from his mother–over her shoulder. Dani couldn’t understand why anyone would use something so expensive to put diapers in and she’d asked as much. Jessica had just rolled her eyes saying, “It goes with the stroller, dear.”</p><p>Zahra ran a little unsteadily over to him. She pulled at his pants leg, her little arms raised expectantly, “Up, Dada!”</p><p>Malcolm smiled down at her softly, before acquiescing to her demand, “Anything for my birthday girl.”</p><p>––––––––––––––––––</p><p>Malcolm walked down the stairs with Zahra in his arms to the lower level of his family home behind Dani, trying to keep his composure. As they’d walked through the house he watched his daughter take in her unfamiliar surroundings with wide eyes, he’d reflexively tightened his hold on her.</p><p>After <i>everything</i> had happened, his mother made significant renovations to the house. All remnants of his father had been removed. The basement and his “hobby room” had been demolished, his mother opting to turn it into a place where she could entertain guests when she threw her parties. He heard music that sounded as though it belonged on Dani’s playlist as opposed to his mother’s–assuming his mother had a playlist.</p><p>Dani stopped short and after seeing what his mother had done to her entertainment space, Malcolm did too. Jessica had turned this room into a carnival funhouse of some sort. The baby pink decorated space was dotted with carnival games. He spied a unicorn carousel and other children’s themed carnival rides. A pink uniformed waiter passed by him and unlike the flutes of Champagne he normally saw at every party hosted by his mother, this particular tray held apples dipped in caramel and coated in pink sprinkles. It was a spectacle to say the very least.</p><p>“Wow…” Dani breathed, wide-eyed. Her face identical to Zahra’s taking in Lovey’s handiwork.</p><p>“Oh my God, you guys look so <i>cute</i>,” Malcolm heard his sister before she actually appeared. Ainsley stepped around a waiter carrying little bags of pink dyed popcorn and hugged Dani warmly before kissing his cheek.</p><p>“Happy birthday, Zahri…come see,” Ainsley cooed at her niece, reaching to take her. She frowned when she realized her brother wasn’t loosing his hold on his daughter. “Bro, come on. Let me hold her” she whined, looking to Dani for help. </p><p>Dani nodded at her husband imperceptibly, squeezing his arm reassuringly. Malcolm reluctantly handed his daughter over to his sister. Though he still felt a little tense, he smiled a bit when Zahra wrapped her little arms around her Auntie Ainsley’s neck.</p><p>“I think they’re playing our song, Zahri” Ainsley said, tickling her niece, eliciting a giggle before they dashed off. He heard Dani snort as they both watched Ainsley attempt to do the “Baby Shark” dance with her niece. Zahra looked quite confused but her Auntie was undeterred as she squatted down in her expensive sundress helping Zahra clap her hands in rhythm to the song.</p><p>Dani wrapped an arm around his waist and Malcolm felt his muscles unclench under her hand as he watched his daughter and sister smiling and laughing together.</p><p>––––––––––––––</p><p>Malcolm had slipped away from his mother when she’d gotten distracted trying to flag down the photographer she’d hired. She’d wanted to get formal photos of the three of them. He felt a hand squeeze his shoulder blades, he didn’t have to turn around to know exactly who it was.</p><p>“This is some party, huh?” Gil grinned at him.</p><p>“My mother outdid herself that’s for sure,” Malcolm smiled though it didn’t quite meet his eyes. Everyone appeared to be having a good time and the party by all accounts was a success but he couldn’t unsee what had gone on in this room no matter how many waiters with pink dyed treats went by.</p><p>Malcolm thought he sounded nonchalant but seeing Gil’s heavily mustached mouth turn down in that concerned father way of his, he knew he apparently didn’t. “Listen, kid. You gotta stop trying to see your father in this room.”</p><p>“But how can I not, Gil? You more than anyone should know what he did in here.The things he kept. How can I pretend none of that happened?”</p><p>Gil squeezed his shoulders harder, “No one’s asking you to pretend but instead of torturing yourself, trying to remember all of the terrible things you’ve seen go on in here. How about you remember <i>that</i> instead.” </p><p>Malcolm’s eyes followed in the direction of Gil’s point. He saw Dani with Zahra on her hip. His girls in their matching dresses and matching smiles in their own world, twirling around, dancing to a song that was <i>most definitely</i> from Dani’s playlist as he knew it was one of her favorites. </p><p>Malcolm remembered the first time Dani had played it for him. They weren’t together at the time. They’d only been friends but he’d wanted to be more. He’d wanted that for a long time. He just didn’t know how to ask or even what to say. He could feel Dani’s eyes on him then–the weight of her stare. He knew what she’d been trying to tell him but he hadn’t the courage to look up–to respond. With his head bent, pretending to study case files, Malcolm listened to lyrics that were powerful yet so vulnerable at the same time:</p><p>
  <i>And there he was, this young boy, a stranger to my eyes</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Strumming my pain with his fingers</i><br/>
<i>Singing my life with his words</i><br/>
<i>Killing me softly with his song</i>
</p><p>Malcolm smiled fully. He hadn’t the courage then but now two and a half years later, he watched Dani sing those same lyrics to their daughter. Gil was right as he often was.</p><p>––––––––––––––––––</p><p>His mother had eventually been able to get a formal picture of the three of them–right before Zahra’s cotton candy incident. Zahra ever curious had found the treat interesting, snatching some off of a tray over Lovey’s shoulder as she’d held her while speaking to one of the party guests. Zahra then opted to get globs of pink candy all over the front of her white dress, all over her hands and in her hair. </p><p>Dani forever prepared, quickly took their sticky daughter out of Jessica’s hands–ignoring her mother-in-law's dismay at the mess–whisking Zahra away to the bathroom. Malcolm watched them emerge ten minutes later, Zahra in a fresh dress–this one black with little sunflowers–and her curly hair damp and pulled into a little ponytail at the top of her head.</p><p>After all of the party guests had left, Malcolm found himself in the living room staring at the spot where <i>the box</i> had been. His mind inevitably went back to that night and what he’d done. He couldn’t allow a stranger to victimize him in his own home. He couldn’t allow his mother and sister to be murdered while he lay helpless. Malcolm glanced down at his hand, it had long healed but Dani was right, he did what he had to do. He just didn’t recognize the person he’d become then. 29 years worth of rage flooded his senses at Watkins, at his father, at everything that had made such a situation possible. Everything that left him no other option but the one left to him. The girl in the box had met an early death at the hands of his father. Watkins in the same box had met an early death at his hands.</p><p>Malcolm hadn’t been able to get that box out of his mind. He saw it every time he entered this living room except for now where he watched his wife stand in that very same spot, her endless nearly black curls dusting her shoulders, her hands on her hips, a shark plush toy that Grandpa had “won” for Zahra underneath one arm, staring at their daughter’s mountain of birthday presents, likely wondering how they’d get all of this home.</p><p>They had no other friends other than the team but well over two hundred people had attended their wedding and just as many sent gifts for Dani’s baby shower. An incredible amount of those gifts had remained in their boxes as they only had one child and Dani had told him very sternly that this was in fact a “one and done.” Malcolm had been just fine with that. He’d take whatever Dani gave him. Just as he’d told her about Father’s Day, he wanted for nothing. She’d already given him the most incredible gift–his sweetheart–his Zahra. </p><p>The baby shower gifts that Dani had no use for, she’d decided that she’d bring them to a church in her old neighborhood in the Bronx where the gifts would be given to moms who were less fortunate than she. Things like that made Malcolm wonder what he’d ever done to deserve such a perfect woman. He knew the answer to that and he also knew that no amount of diamonds or handbags or even homes could repay her for what she’d done for him. Dani had saved him and she’d healed him just as she did now, standing in <i>that spot</i> completely unaware of it.</p><p>–––––––––––––––</p><p>Malcolm wrapped his arms around Dani’s tiny waist, resting his chin in the crook of her neck. He inhaled her Dove soap scent feeling more calm than he had all day.</p><p>“What?” She quirked a brow at him over her shoulder.</p><p>He smiled, tightening his hold on her, “Nothing.”</p><p>“Is that a <i>nothing</i> nothing or a something nothing?”</p><p>Malcolm laughed softly, kissing her jaw, “It’s a ‘just here loving you’ type of nothing.”</p><p>“Ahh…that’s a good nothing then,” She grinned at him, her deep brown eyes dancing with mirth.</p><p>“It’s the best,” he whispered, kissing his wife fully. Feeling anchored in her once again–that is until he heard his mother clear her throat loudly. Dani groaned against his lips at his mother being <i>his mother</i>.</p><p>“Lovebirds, shall I have the driver bring the car around and load up the gifts?” Malcolm turned, moving from behind Dani though he still kept an arm around her, holding her tightly to his side. Judging by Jessica’s dry look, he knew if she didn’t currently have Zahra in her arms, she’d be snapping her fingers at them irritably.</p><p>Dani looked at him, waiting for his answer to his mother’s question. Malcolm knew that he’d never feel completely comfortable in that house again but he also saw how disappointed his mother looked at the idea of her granddaughter leaving so soon.</p><p>“Actually, I think Zahra has some presents to open. What do you think, Dani?” </p><p>Dani looked over at her husband in surprise, squeezing him tightly–reassuringly. She was so endlessly proud of him for committing to making some good memories as opposed to remaining mired in all of the bad ones. “I think she does and I think we also have cake and gelato in the dining room.” </p><p>Malcolm watched the delight enter his mother’s usually stoic face, “What do you think, sweetheart? Do you wanna stay a bit longer and eat cake and open presents with Lovey?”</p><p>“Lovey! Lovey!” Zahra giggled, playing with the chunky gold necklace around her grandmother’s neck.</p><p>Jessica looked as though she’d melt, lightly pinching Zahra’s little cheeks, “You can stay as long as you'd like, my little lady.”</p><p>Malcolm sat in the dining room, remembering how many times someone in his family had stormed away from the table in anger but as he watched his mother feed his daughter bits of the surprisingly elaborate multi-tier Gentilly cake, his sister accusing her of “hogging” her niece, he realized that perhaps things could be different. Maybe this house could be known for more than the trauma that had festered within it. </p><p><i>We only notice light when darkness crashes against it</i>, Malcolm thought as he realized that light was truly touching this house–the Whitlys–for the first time in a long time. He looked over at Dani who was already looking at him and she smiled because she knew.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I used a prompt from @reverie-writes on Tumblr's "Sleeping At Last Lyric Writing Prompts"</p><p>9. We only notice light when darkness crashes against it. (Woodstock)</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The song referenced is "Killing Me Softly With His Song" by The Fugees.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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